me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
