I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
