dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
