Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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