you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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