I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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