dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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