never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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