You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
