I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize