How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
