She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
