Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
