you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
