i can't believe i had my finger in that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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