the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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