She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
