You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
