tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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