Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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