new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
