And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
