A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
