I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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