my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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