I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
