I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
