I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How does one acquire holy water?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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