walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
