Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have fence marks all over my body
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
