Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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