I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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