i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
