I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
