I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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