11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
