I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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