We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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