Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
