I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
