He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
