he thought i was a dude.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
