guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
