the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize