I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
