You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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