You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
