he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize