What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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