Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
