Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
