I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
