through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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