Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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