My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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