If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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