Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
