someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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