did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
