gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
