i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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