that's an acceptable place to lick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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