just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
