actually, I'm a sock model
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
