i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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