id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
