He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I love you.
Bad choice
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
