Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
