My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize